Dog Hair, Potty Training, and the Unknown

This week we are dog-sitting at Bruce and Nancy's (John's parents) house while they are in Florida. And it is stressing me out like none other. Mostly the dog hair. It is everywhere. I constantly have it on me. And the kids are constantly covered in it. I finds poofs in Jake's mouth. Brooke brings me poofs every 10 minutes to be thrown away (she isn't exactly a big fan of hair not being in its proper place). And after my nice relaxing shower, I dry off with a clean towel, which still has dog hair on it, only to have dog hair on me again. All I can say is I commend Nancy for being able to deal with it. Because I would have gone insane years ago if I were her!

Now I must say, even with the amazing amount of hair, I love having laundry available at all times. Especially with a potty-training Brooke who thinks wearing pants = a diaper and feels the need to pee. Ah well. I brought it upon myself! But she is getting the hang of it :) We had two whole days without accidents! I feel so bad for her when she has an accident, she gets so embarrassed. Her voice gets all high pitched "Potty on the toilet! Potty on the toilet Mommy!" Followed by an enormous frown and the saddest face I have ever seen her make, which inevitably turns to sobs.

So I realized this afternoon that I only have 1 month left (he leaves March 2nd) with my husband until he is gone for 7 long months.... and to be honest I am completely freaking out. My eyes tear up even thinking about it. I am terrified that I am going to screw up my children in that time. Because there is no one there to help with decisions for them. I have to make every single decision involving them for 7 months. And I am incredibly indecisive. I have to go alone to the hospital with Jake for all of his respiratory appointments and try to figure everything out with the doctors by myself. What if I do something wrong health-wise with him and make his lungs worse?! I have to direct Brooke through her "terrible two's" while trying not to flip out at all times because she is coloring on the wall, sitting on her brother, melting down on the way home from work because she can't have paci on the 10 minute drive home, and refusing to eat her dinner. What if I respond wrong to all of the above situations and she doesn't continue to be the amazing, sweet, adorable child that she is 90% of the time now?!

And I have to plain old figure out how to live with the man I love being 1, 234 miles away from me at all times (yes, I looked it up). That is 20 hours of driving people! No goodnight kisses. No talking in bed for 45 minutes before we fall asleep. No one to hug me and make every stress disappear for that minute. No one to laugh at the ridiculous way I dance with Brooklyn. No one to have One Tree Hill marathons with (I am pretty sure he secretly loves it even though he makes fun of through the entire thing). No one to check out the apartment when I think I hear noises. No one to laugh when I am clumsy in the kitchen and drop numerous dishes. No shoulder to cry on when the day has just sucked. No one to remind me that everything does work out even when we are too broke to buy groceries. I have a feeling I am going to be breaking down a lot. And Brooke is going to be asking me if I am okay a lot. I think I am going to need to learn how to ask for help. I hate it. More than anything. I hate feeling..... not good enough. And I entirely feel this way when I have to depend on other people.

Sorry for being a downer. But it all kind of hit me today. I am excited for the future, and that this gives us an actual plan for life. But I am not excited for those 7 months. As you can obviously tell.

So I think it is time to stop writing about how scared I am (for today anyways), and go cuddle up with that amazing man, and let him tell me everything is going to be okay. And enjoy every second of this next month. And make it memorable. Memorable to last 7 months. Who is ready to be optimistic?! This girl!

By the way, I am listening to Hope by Addison Road (thank you Meggan for introducing me to this amazing band), and it is precisely what I needed to hear. If you have not listened to them, you should. They are so amazingly uplifting. And relate-able.

Little Moments

• Jake and Brooklyn finally playing together. They chase each other around the apartment, giggling with delight. They are going to be best friends this summer :) *fingers crossed*
• Doing a puzzle with Josephine and Clara on Monday. Watching Clara's mechanical brain work putting it together, because she is amazingly good at them. Talking with Josephine, because she isn't as big of a fan of puzzles, but I love listening to her talk about "Auntie do you remember when we did this and this and this?" I love them dearly.
• Watching Sex and the City 2 after a stressful day. It was the prefect pick-me-up.

Why Does it Feel Like January in December?!?!

So my title has nothing to do with my blog entry, I just am upset about how stinkin' cold it is already! I hate when the farmers are right.... I would much prefer the upper 20's that it is supposed to be! I love winter and everything, but on Sunday it is supposed to be a high of ONE DEGREE. That is not a high. The weather should say "Sunday is supposed to be frigidly freaking cold, with a high of too-cold-to-go-outdoors-and-enjoy-playing-with-your-toddler". Sorry. I needed to rant. I'm done now.

I just wanted to do a little update, since it has been forever since I have written anything! We don't have internet at the apartment anymore (a tad costly at the moment), so I am only even online once in a great while, besides a little facebook creeping while I'm nannying, which is where I am now :)

I guess the biggest news right now is that John has joined the National Guard. I know, most of you think we are crazy. We have a 2-year-old and an almost 1-year-old, and while he is gone it IS going to be hard, and I will be lonely and missing him every second, but in the end it is very worth it. He is going to be a Machinist/Welder. They combined the 2 positions since they both include many of the same things, but that also makes his training 10 weeks longer than it should have been..... 29 weeks. Yep. 7 long months. And no, I in no way think it is going to be easy-as-pie while hes gone. I am going to have a Brooklyn that misses her Daddy very much, especially because she always asks for him on the rare occasions when she wakes up at night. I am going to have a Jacob that won't entirely remember Daddy because he is still so little, but John is going to record a video for them so that they both can get some Daddy time when they need it :) And I will be sleeping in a bed alone, not having the man I love there to have pillow-talk with at night, to hold me when the apartment is freaking me out, to kiss me and tell me everything is okay when I am stressing majorly about things that are not a big deal, or to get a hug when I feel like I am going to break a little bit. Pretty sure I am going to be writing letters//writing in here constantly.... so I apologize to the very few people that read this about the ridiculous amount of posts about how much I miss him and about random things that I need to get off my chest in the middle of the night in advance.

But for all the things that make me sad about him being gone so long for training, there is so much good that comes out of this.

• He has been wanting to do this for a long time. I have always known it was in the plans, it was just a matter of timing.
• His training is going to be extremely useful when he gets back in finding a good job. I see so many machinist and welder positions when I am job searching randomly.
• The pay is very good. We will actually be able to save while he is gone. Hopefully for a house! But firstly to replace my piece of crap car. :)
• The benefits are awesome. Great healthcare and dental. School paid for for him. Previous school loans paid for.
• It gives us a PLAN. We have not had an actual plan for our lives since the day Brooklyn was born. I love both of my children more than I can even explain, and they have been an enormous blessing to our lives, but they kind of threw everything for a loop!
• And lastly..... seeing my man in that uniform is going to be incredibly sexy ;-)

And to the one person (you know precisely who you are) who has only said "He will be deployed for sure" and "I'm sure he will get deployed right after AIT." YOU. CAN. SHOVE. IT. We aren't stupid. He will obviously be deployed at some point. We don't know when, you don't know when. So be supportive. I have not heard one supportive word from this person. Nothing negative either (or nothing that would seem negative to most people). If you don't agree with our decision, which was in no way brash or not thought through, then that is fine. But support us. That is the only thing I ask. And if you can't, then shut up.

Sorry again for that rant, but if I didn't, it is very probable I would scream it in their face.

Other things in life haven't changed much. John no longer works for Bridgemans. He worked for a landscaping company til about a week ago, but that work is gone because of how cold it is, so he is just looking for something dumb until he leaves in 3 months. I no longer work at Lane Bryant. I nanny 4 days a week. I love it! Addison is a doll, and Aaron is a ridiculously good baby. Brooklyn turned 2 on Nov. 18, and is starting to get some of those "terrible 2" qualities. We are working with her, and she is still my little angel :) She is learning new words all the time, and tries very hard to put sentences together. She is obsessed with coloring and playing in her new car she got from Auntie. Jacob can army crawl like a mad man. He doesn't seem to like the off-the-belly crawling very much! He loves to try to play with his sister's toys (while she is of course), but hates when she tries to play with him. He thoroughly enjoys his alone time in their room. He will play in there for a solid 30 minutes by himself, I think just enjoying that Brooke isn't pestering him! He is still a wheezer.... but his medicine is helping quite a bit. And if he doesn't have any hospital stays this winter, he can try being off it for the summer :D :D :D

Well, that is all, as Aaron is up from his nap and ready for some (not) tasty rice cereal! Happy Winter!

It Is Totally Worth It

So a couple weeks ago I went to a get together at a friend's place in Uptown. There were about 15 of us, and we had an absolute blast. There were a few people I had never met, some I had seen recently, and some I hadn't seen since graduation 3 1/2 years ago. It was so great to catch up with everyone right before school was starting up again.... but of the several people I hadn't seen since high school there was ONE thing on their mind with me....

                                         

"You're married?!"

                                          

"You have TWO kids?!"

But my favorite question, and one that gave me so much pleasure was:

                                          

"Is it worth it?"

My answer: Every second of it is worth it!

I wouldn't change my life for anything. Sure, some days I am insanely exhausted and feel I could hardly move. Some days Brooke terrorizes through the apartment like it is her mission to destroy everything in sight. Some days Jake's teething is so bad that he can scream for an hour straight and not a single thing I do will calm him down. But those days are not the norm. Brooklyn is the sweetest little girl, better than I could have ever dreamed of. She is very giving with her hugs and kisses, and feels that every person in the room needs one before she leaves some place. She loves to read, play outside, color, watch Mickey Mouse, learn new words, and anything to do with water or animals. Jacob has the biggest grin in the world; when he smiles his entire body seems to light up. Every morning when I get him out of his crib I get that amazing smile, and it makes 6 a.m. entirely worth it.  Every single day he learns something new: some new noise to make, a new way to move his body, how to better reach his toes to his mouth, and how to scoot his little self around on the floor more efficiently. He isn't crawling yet, but I am in no rush :)

I may not get to have my free and crazy 20's, but I don't think I would be anyways. If I drink at all, I have 1 or 2, and of something I actually enjoy. I'm not going to get a beer during happy hour just because it is $2. I am still going to get my 1 $7 fruity delicious drink that I love and enjoy it, instead of choking down some nasty thing for the sake of having alcohol. I know there are people that enjoy beer and vodka and all that jazz, I'm just not one of them. My kids will be grown by the time I am 40, and me and John plan to have the best 40's that we possibly can. We're hoping for a cruise a year, as long as we can afford it! And for now, we will do those things with our kids, and give them every bit of love that we have, and teach them to the best of our ability about how to be a good person.

P.S. Just to clarify.... we are not having any more kids. We always said we wanted 2 - a boy and a girl - and that we would be happy with that. I always wanted 1 that I could just spoil, but John having been an only child said we needed at least 2 so they could have someone to play with :)

Time to go finish the kids' room - it is looking so cute!!

Little Moments

• Jacob starting to talk more. Well, babble. It is just so darn cute the faces he makes when he is trying to make a new noise ♥
• Alone time the past 4 days. John & Brooke have been gone at the Behrens' cabin, so I have gotten some much needed alone time and relaxation while Jake naps.
• Bringing Josephine and Clara out running errands with me on Friday. I forgot how much I missed being able to get out of the apartment/neighborhood with them. We had a lot of fun, and I loved watching them go through the 59 cent bins at Michael's to find their treasure to bring home for that day!

Diapers and Dancing.

This summer seems to have gone by in a blur. The State Fair is in less than week! How can that be?! I feel like it should still be the middle of June. This could be the effect of John's insane schedule though, which just makes all the days of diaper changes, walks to the park, and playing in the rocks mix together. And due to his insane schedule I haven't gotten my nightly pillow talk with him of all the random thoughts we've had throughout our days; which I believe is why I am writing on here. I need a vent. A place for all of my random thoughts to be spewed.

Do you ever have those nights where you feel as if you might just explode from the inside out? That was officially tonight. I think it was this crazy week all bottled up inside of me (VBS with preschoolers all week + working.... need I say more?), plus the addition of some crazy children tonight. Brooke has been sick since last night, but has hardly eaten anything in 2-3 days. She barely even touched her mashed potatoes tonight, which never happens! And when she refused them, I just broke down crying. I couldn't tell you why. I felt terrible that she wouldn't eat, and that because what I made probably made her sick little tummy feel even worse, she was going to bed hungry. And then both her AND Jacob cried through their entire bath. And while I was lotioning them up and getting them dressed. Jake hasn't cried during a bath since he was a month old.

And John is at a stupid fantasy football draft. I hate football season. Glad that he is having a fun night though, honestly.

But they are both now sleeping peacefully after all the chaos. And I am listening to Kesha and All Time Low. And yes, I danced and sang to every word of Tik Tok. Sometimes it just feels good to dance and be totally ridiculous, and have the stress just melt away. 

P.S. Just wanted to add in that my nanny interview seemed to go well! The family said they would get back to me on Sunday at the latest. We got along really well, and they have just about the sweetest baby girl ever.  Pray for me :)

Definitely bedtime now. At 10:30 on a Friday.... feels good! I do want to end every blog on a good note though, whether it was a horrible day, or a blissful one.

Little Moments

• Brooke reading "Bathtime With Bubbles" to me. "Hi I'm Bubbles, its bathtime!" She read a part of a sentence from each page through the whole thing :) We obviously read this book too much!
• Jake saying "Da-DA" after I kept telling him to say daddy. I think I squealed in delight more than he did.
• Talking to our neighbor. She told me she watches out for our apartment and makes sure people aren't creeping when she notices that we are out of town for a few days (such as last week when we were at the cabin). She said she can tell we are gone when she doesn't see Brooke playing outside in the rocks for a couple days in a row. It feels good to know we have one good neighbor, among a bunch of crummy ones.