My Perfect Man

So, in high school I was never alone for more than a couple weeks. I always had a boy around to keep me company. I had a lot of close guy friends. And a lot of boyfriends. Yeah, I had my best girls too. But girls are dramatic. And complicated. And catty. And way too emotional. (Yes, I realize I am female and have all of those characteristics!) Boys are just...... easy. Not a whole lot of complicated emotions. They are brutally honest, especially when you need it. They tend to be amazing listeners. And (most) or them are taller/bigger so when you need a shoulder to cry on, or someone to give you a hug, it is comforting, safe, and strong. And they are okay (and usually love) with doing ridiculous and fun and goofy things, like go-carting, playing at a park, going to valleyfair, laser tag, and video games.

I think that is the entire reason I went through dating guy after guy for those first 2 years. I was searching for someone to be all of those things. And all along I had him right there in my pocket. John Behrens. My best friend. The one I complained to about all the wretched boys to. Lol.

And now I miss that amazing man like crazy. I know, I know, I am being very complainy. But I missed his phone call this morning, and it really made my day do a suckhole 180. Listening to a voicemail saying he is safe and loves me just isn't the same as hearing it in real time. I miss that male-ness around the apartment, and in my life. Not saying I want to like hang out with all my guy friends to fill in the gaps, I just want the one whole filled in all the gaps by himself. To keep my ridiculous emotions in check, and to be goofy with, and lazy with. I realize it is only 4 days in, and I've got about 200 more to go, but I tend to suck at being alone.

But I am convinced to make tonight fun for the kids.  And the rest of the time. Because if they're miserable, its gonna make me more miserable, and then also crabby, which is never good. Lol. So tonight I'm going to make them they're favorite dinner (mac n cheese & hot dogs, of course!), and have a fun bath, and play "kitchen" til bedtime.

And I think as long as I don't miss any more of John's phone calls I won't have any more days where I feel as sucky and in a funk as today. And Jake's cough is finally getting better this afternoon, which is making me much happier not freaking out that he is going to vomit everywhere due to constantly coughing so hard.

So have a good week people, I am going to make sure I do :)