This one isn't actually as tough as I thought it would be to come up with. Because there is only one thing that sticks out from everything else that was physically and emotionally draining beyond a level I thought I could experience. I know there are parents - some I know and love dearly - who have gone through and currently go through far, far worse with their children, but this is what I have experienced.
Dealing with Jake being sick is the hardest thing I have ever experienced in my life so far.
The first trip to the hospital was awful - he was only 6 weeks old and could barely breathe. He had RSV & Bronchiolitis - a combination that would truly leave its mark on his tiny little body. The first time he spent 7 days at Children's Hospital. Being on oxygen, nebulizer (basically asthma treatments, but for small children) treatments every single hour, antibiotics to fight off the double ear infection he also got while there, several chest xrays, and having IVs to keep him hydrated. I stayed with him the whole time, John stayed as much as he could when he didn't have to work, and the rest of our family was amazing and took care of Brooklyn the entire time. The nurses & doctors were truly my saving grace - answering any and every question, and allowing me to vent & cry when I needed it. And now that is what his amazing respiratory specialist is for.
From then on that first round of sickness has brought on what is called Reactive Airway Disease. Basically a lesser form of asthma, that may or may not go away with time. There is no way of telling at all. With this we do daily lung steroid treatments with the nebulizer , and every single cold he gets is 50 times worse than it should be and he gets terribly sick. Won't eat, sleeps all day/night, but needs at least 8-10 doses of his neb medications because each of these colds settles right into his lungs and brings the wheezing back. And it made him -SO- crabby, every day, until he was about 18 months. I am so thankful that the constant crying, whining, and extreme neediness passes more with every day.
But I have (and I don't think he has either) never experienced anything worse than this last trip in December. Teething in molars turned into Jake breathing so hard they thought his muscles were going to just entirely give out. We couldn't keep up with the constant neb treatments at home, so he was admitted to Children's. The last trip paled in comparison to this one.... Having to physically hold down your 23 month old so hard that he gets bruises all over his legs and arms so that they could get each of the 6 IVs they had to put in him (he is a suuuuuper sweaty kid, so with a fever added he was sweating through all of the tape for his IVs). Listening to him scream "All done! Help me! All done!" the entire time, until he gave out from pure exhaustion and just finally fell asleep. I still tear up just thinking about it. It was the saddest thing I have ever seen. And each of the 4 days was just full of constant exhaustion from both me & Jacob. Very little sleep, constant fighting & crying from him, trying to entertain him in any and every way possible within his 2 foot boundary of his IV's.
Since then he has been very healthy, even got through 2 colds with no wheezing! But now with more teething he is battling the wheezing once again. And hopefully with the extreme rounds of nebs we are treating him with, it won't be another trip to even the doctor. Because I feel I get a bit more mentally weak with each trip. And feel like the world's worst mother, because I can't just keep him healthy. Also, because I in no way want to remember the majority of his first 18 months. I have the good parts held in my memory, but cannot wait until all of the times Jake & I felt so miserable are just a very, very distant memory.
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